In a world that’s constantly pushing us to do more, and ever more perfectly, it’s no wonder we find ourselves caught in a daily struggle. Competition, rapid change, and societal pressures demand that we hustle harder. The economy keeps us in survival mode, politics drains our energy, and ageism plants seeds of self-doubt.

We all want to build lives we love, and when we see our own progress, we feel validated. But when progress slows…or worse, when it reverses…we respond by pushing even harder. We do more. We grip tighter, only to watch our goals slip further away.

The Harder You Try, the Harder It Gets

Why do they slip away? Why is it that the harder we try, the harder things seem to get? Because we become overly-focused on the end result, and as we do so, we pay less attention to what we’re doing and overlook the joy of losing ourselves in doing it. We can become blind to the very reason we are doing it at all.

This is illustrated perfectly in the following story Try Softer, from Zen And The Martial Arts by Joe Hyams:

A young boy traveled across Japan to the school of a famous martial artist. When he arrived at the dojo he was given an audience by the sensei.

“What do you want from me?” the master asked.

“I wish to be your student and become the finest karateka in the land,” the boy replied. “How long must I study?”

“Ten years at least,” the master answered.

“Ten years is a long time,” said the boy. “What if I studied twice as hard as all your other students?”

“Twenty years,” replied the master.

“Twenty years! What if I practice day and night with all my effort?”

“Thirty years,” was the master’s reply.

“How is it that each time I say I will work harder, you tell me it will take longer?” the boy asked.

“The answer is clear. When one eye is fixed upon your destination, there is only one eye left with which to find the Way.”

- anonymous, from Zen And The Martial Arts, Joe Hyams.

Why Trying Harder Doesn’t Work

Princess Leia once warned Governor Tarkin in Star Wars: “The more you tighten your grip, Tarkin, the more star systems will slip through your fingers.” This lesson applies far beyond intergalactic politics. The harder we push and cling to control, the more elusive our goals can become.

In martial arts, there’s a counterintuitive lesson: when your opponent attacks with force, you respond with softness. This is not surrender; it’s strategy. By redirecting energy instead of resisting it, you create flow and opportunity.

But many of us succumb to a pitfall: we believe that relentless effort is the only way forward. It’s the same trap that causes martial arts students to burn out before earning their black belt. It’s the workplace grind that leads to career burnout. Force without clarity or flow is unsustainable.

The Three Steps: Set Your Intention, Release It, Do the Homework

The martial arts teach us another critical truth: before an archer can release an arrow, they must first take aim. Before a fighter delivers a punch, they “hit with their eyes” or look where they want the strike to land. The same applies to life. Clarity of intention is the first step toward any meaningful goal. There are three key steps in turning an intention into a reality:

1. Set your intention

   Setting your intention is the simple act of saying what you want. Verbalizing it to yourself, the universe, and other people, or writing it down, making a clear statement, creates a direction for energy to flow. It’s like pointing your camera to take a picture, plotting your trip on a map, or looking where you are about to throw a ball, or a kick.

2. Release it with love

   Releasing your intention with love sends it out into the universe as a statement of trust and a releasing of doubt that the intention is even possible. The release of doubt is key to properly taking the final step of doing the homework. Once you’ve set your intention and released the doubt you have to then do the work to make it happen: make the choices and take the actions to make your intention manifest into reality.

3. Do the homework

   Doing the homework is the step in which we take responsibility for our intention, where we become accountable for our path. How serious are we about manifesting what we want? This is the place where faith meets reality.

Trust: Setting Your Intention Clearly

Setting your intention as clearly as possible is the most important. In the business tool of setting SMART goals, goals which are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound, the first order of business is being specific.

My favorite example of this is the story of my martial arts colleague who moved to New York City with the goal of working on Wall Street.

A couple of years after her move, I visited my friend in the city. She seemed successful in her endeavors. She had a nice apartment and a good job on Wall Street, but she was not happy. She was not reaching the ultimate goal she had set for herself, which was to be working directly on the trading floor.

However, she soon had a revelation.

One morning, as she emerged from the subway and was walking to her office, she looked up at the street sign…..Wall Street. It suddenly dawned on her that she had set her intention to “work on Wall Street” and that the physical address of her office was indeed on Wall Street.

She had achieved her goal but her goal needed to be more specific.

She set a new, clearer goal to “work on the trading floor of the New York Stock Exchange”. Within a very short time, after doing the homework, she found herself where she wanted to be.

As the saying goes, “As the arrow will follow your eye, so will your actions follow your thoughts.” Set your sights clearly, and trust the process.

The Burden of Expectation

Even when we’ve set our intentions and done the homework, there’s one more challenge to overcome: expectation. Holding tightly to an outcome can become its own form of resistance.

Charles Bukowski captured this paradox in two words: Don’t try. He wasn’t advocating laziness—he was pointing to the art of flow. True creativity and success come when we stop forcing things and let them unfold.

Similarly, Mark Manson, in The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck, reminds us that obsession with outcomes can be counterproductive. Instead, focus on the process, not the prize.

Letting go of expectation frees us to stay flexible, adapt, and remain open to possibilities we might never have imagined.

Conclusion: Align, Release, and Do

The harder we try, the harder it gets. But when we align our intentions, release our need for control, and focus on doing the work, we create flow.

Your intention becomes your roadmap, not a weight. It frees you from distractions and focuses your energy. So stop gripping. Set your aim, release your arrow, and trust the current to carry you. Try softer. That’s when the magic happens.

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